


Reality

by Shirou9Atsuya



Category: Inazuma Eleven: Orion no Kokuin
Genre: Brotherhood, Brotherly Love, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Other, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 18:26:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17565704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirou9Atsuya/pseuds/Shirou9Atsuya
Summary: “One person's craziness is another person's reality.” ― Tim Burton.





	Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone!
> 
> First of all, happy new year to all of you! I wish you the best for 2019. May your dreams become true! I hope that January has been good for you so far. Secondly, as you already know, I haven't had posted anything since November. With the exams, the holidays, Christmas, New Year, school and bla bla bla... I didn't have time to post anything. I've also had to get through a horrible writer block. I'm sorry to have been so inactive, but don't worry! Now that everything is over and fine, I'm officially back! With a kind of angsty fanfic hehe. I wanted to add that I began a lot of fanfics, so look forward to the next weeks! 
> 
> Anyway, all the rambling aside, I hope you'll enjoy this new fanfic about my babies, Shirou and Atsuya!
> 
> P.S. : I don't own any of the characters. Also, sorry for the typos/mistakes you may see.

It was strange. He often had dreams or images shown to him. Sometimes things he saw, lived, or felt could show him images of another life, of him and Atsuya. More than once, he woke up in panic and entered in his little brother's room to make sure he was fine. Each time, it was relief, tears of joy to see him breathe slowly, murmuring things in his deep sleep as he was squeezing his old teddy bear against him.

Shirou had those since the age of 6 years. The first time he had seen that scene, that he had seen Atsuya's blood staining the white and sparkling snow, the lifeless bodies of his entire family lying beside him, the way Atsuya was strongly holding his hand in his, his face no longer showing any color of life... he woke up screaming. He had called his parents. He had shaken Atsuya by his shoulders and brought him out of his sleep. He had cried for a long time, and even after seeing them, feeling them against him, even after hearing their voices vibrating with concern at his panic attack, he hadn't calmed down. That night, they had slept together in their parents' bed. In the arms of their father while Atsuya was in their mother's ones, his hand tightening strongly Atsuya's one, who hadn't stopped comforting him, telling him that everything was fine and that they were there. Near him. With him.

He often slept with Atsuya. He never needed to insist because Atsuya always ended up telling him he was an idiot to think he would refuse, and that he would do it even if he didn't ask him. He often took the opportunity to push him at confiding him, at telling him all about his nightmares that were torturing his big brother. But Shirou never had the courage, the strength to tell them. He couldn't imagine the horror on his face if he discovered their contents. He preferred him to be disappointed, a little hurt by his refusal than to see him suffer as he suffered every night. If there was one thing that Shirou wanted more than anything in the world... it was to avoid all misfortune and suffering which could befall on Atsuya. It was his little brother. He would do everything in his power to protect him against anything that could affect him.

Being chosen as one of the players and supporters of Inazuma Japan had been a source of various emotions. Joy, pride, disappointment and fear. He had always wanted to play against the world with his little brother. He had always wanted to be part of the Japan national team, to play against this vast world and win, to be on the podium of the world with him. But Atsuya hadn't been chosen. Which prevented him from keeping his promise. They had already been far from each other, but never for very long.

And yet, Atsuya had been the one to reassure him he was going to train and join him as soon as possible, like he knew Shirou's feelings. Shirou needed to see him. Hearing his voice through the phone wasn't enough. He didn't only wish to play with him, but he also wanted to keep an eye on him, to keep his promise and protect him. He was terrified at the idea of his nightmares becoming real, of losing his whole family and never seeing them again. He had never understood why he dreamed of his family's death, of self-mutilation, or of desperately seeking his medication while he was in a panic crisis, alone in his big chalet. One thing was sure... Shirou hoped it wouldn't become a reality.

Being in the presence of Ichihoshi made him uncomfortable, and the situation more difficult for him to not think about that reality. Shirou still had the strange feeling that the little Shirou in his nightmares was almost like that mysterious boy, who isolated himself whenever he could. He was happy to not share the room with him. Being in the same room as Ichihoshi suffocated him. He hated being in the same place as him. That discomfort, that feeling of suffocation, that anxiety which always made his heart beat at a subliminal speed, the stiffness of his body and the tremors of each one of his limbs... He wasn't afraid of Ichihoshi, but his body was reluctant to be near him. As if he knew something important about that young player. In the end, he understood better why after what happened during that match. And since that day, every time he put his eyes on him, pictures came back to him and he couldn't stand them. He had never learnt to endure them, even after so many years of squirming in bed, dripping with cold sweat, and his face wet with ceaseless tears, after so many years dreaming of that other Shirou suffering alone with his duplication of personalities, the loss of his family and his search for "perfection". After all... how could we get used to such a thing?

"Aniki. Oi, Aniki!"

"Hum?"

"Lost in your thoughts again, huh?" Atsuya complained, displeased that his big brother hadn't even listened to him.

"Sorry, Atsuya."

"Forget about it."

Shirou let a smile shine through. He laid on his back and rested his head on his arm. His eyes fixed on the ceiling, he spoke again.

"What would I do without you..." Shirou whispered tenderly.

Atsuya didn't answer directly. Shirou could see his red poppy face, troubled by embarrassment as he was searching for words. That expression was so adorable. He terribly missed it.

"I prefer to not imagine Aniki alone, without me. That's already difficult to be so far from each other."

"Me too, Atsuya. Me too..."

There was a brief moment when neither of them spoke, immersed in their thoughts, these words still floating in the air. This silence was growing longer until Atsuya spoke again.

"Aniki. Are you still having those nightmares?"

Shirou opened his lips in surprise. No sound emitted. He slowly closed his mouth and didn't answer. Atsuya didn't need to hear his answer: his silence answered for him.

"Tell me, Aniki."

"You are stubborn as ever, Atsuya. You already know my answer", Shirou answered with, in spite of himself, hardness. Atsuya wasn't discouraged by his hard tone.

"I'm sure you didn't listen to me because you were thinking about those damn nightmares."

"Your language, Atsuya", he lectured.

"I don't care about my language, Aniki! You're suffering alone for years, and you are too stubborn to want to share this suffering with me!" Atsuya spat, his voice betraying his worry and bitterness. Shirou sighed. It wasn't a conversation such as this one he had hoped to have with him. Though, he was still touched by Atsuya's intention.

"Atsuya, you already know why."

"I grew up, Aniki. Maybe for you, I'm still a baby, but you're wrong. I'm not afraid to hear these terrifying things. I want to share this burden with you". Atsuya paused for a brief second before resuming weakly. "I don't want you to suffer anymore, Aniki."

His breathing sounded quivering when Shirou sighed deeply. He freed his face from his rebellious hair, pulling lightly on them when he did. Fortunately, he was alone in the shared room.

"I must admit that sometimes, you annoy me a lot."

"But you still love me. Right, Aniki?"

Shirou laughed softly. "Too much."

Shirou closed his eyes for a moment, his lips twisted in a small smile. He reopened them a minute later. All smile had disappeared from his face. All joy or annoyance had stopped to shine in his eyes. Black clouds covered them instead, those images swirling in front of them. Thinking about it, Shirou concluded that Atsuya had the right to know. He will not tell him everything. Just a small part. Step by step, he will confide his secrets. After all, Atsuya was also part of this terrifying and depressing reality.

Shirou took a deep breath, followed by an exhale. His heart was pounding, and he had a knot in his stomach. It was easier to think about it than actually do it. Just thinking about telling those morbid nightmares and the horror Atsuya was going to feel, it made him feel depressed. He was almost tempted to say nothing. But he had resolved to do it. He wasn't going to back down now. Atsuya was right... he had grown up. He had the right to know. He had to go forward and tell him.

"I will only tell you what happened today. The rest will wait, so no need to push me to tell you everything because I won't", Shirou first warned, his voice as firm as his words.

"Yes, I understood", Atsuya grumbled. Shirou couldn't help but giggle at his tone. "So?"

"I already told you about Ichihoshi Mitsuru, or rather Ichihoshi Hikaru."

"Hikaru?"

"Ichihoshi Mitsuru was actually Ichihoshi Hikaru, the younger brother. After the death of his elder brother and his father, he developed the personality of Mitsuru in him."

A mountain. Their entire family in the car, on a road frozen by the ice. The avalanche violently. hitting their car. Shirou shuddered in spite of himself, but he didn't pay attention to these images and continued in his explanation.

"He did it for two reasons: to become stronger and not to be alone anymore."

Atsuya didn't say a word, recording the informations Shirou had just given him during that moment of silence. "What happened to his older brother's personality?" The youngest fnally asked.

"From what I understood, the personalities of the two brothers ended up meeting and forming only one person, a new Ichihoshi Hikaru."

"Does he have any memory of what happened?" Atsuya was naturally curious, which could be both a flaw and a quality.

Shirou looked up at the ceiling, thinking for a moment before answering with uncertainty. "I don't know. I think so. It's possible."

"I see."

A moment of silence followed, which Shirou interpreted as a moment of reflection. He was surely saving the information once more, turn it in all directions to understand its meaning and bring all the pieces together. It always happened that the other players questioned Atsuya's intelligence. It was often the unpleasant surprise for their opponents. Everyone believed that he had only the power of a striker, but he had many more qualities of a player than the others apparently couldn't imagine. It wasn't for nothing they had always worked together on strategies. He was one of the smartest people he had ever met.

"If you just told me that, Aniki..." Shirou closed his hand in a fist at his side, and swallowed. He understood. "That's what you see in your nightmares, isn't it?" Atsuya finished in one breath, the tone of his voice indescribable.

Shirou winced. "Yes."

Atsuya knew it, and he was going to quickly understand, by linking those nightmares to his actions the first time he had had one of them, that it was them. Instead of Ichihoshi Mitsuru and his little brother Hikaru, it had been them. It had always been them, in his terrible nightmares, who had suffered those tragic events.

His eyes were tingling. He blessed his strength not to burst into tears when he just wanted to cry hard. He was angry with himself for not being able to understand and explain the source of his nightmares. He blamed himself for telling more than he had promised to himself. Shirou had always struggled to hide anything from his little brother. A weakness he was botheed to possess.

"Tell me, Aniki. You see me dying every night, don't you?"

Shirou bit his lower lip hard. He released it before answering again, a mark of teeth visible on his skin. "Yes."

"I see…"

Atsuya's voice lost itself with his answer, and he became mute. Shirou waited for him to say a word, tell him everything was going to work out and that they would find a solution to this problem, as they had always done together. Since they were in the age of thinking for themselves. He wanted to receive the strength of his little brother, who was such a strong and determined being. But nothing came.

His lips flickered, his mouth opening and closing, trying to say something to relax this atmosphere become too tense and heavy. He couldn't stand all that. It wasn't a conversation like that one he wanted to have. He would have liked to hear him laugh, joke, complain. He would have liked to hear him be happy... to be happy to live.

Shirou's eyes widened wide when a sniffing chased his thoughts away.

"Atsuya, you-"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, baka?"

Shirou's heart sank when he realized that Atsuya was crying. He swallowed hard, his throat knotted. He had the horrible sensation of running out of air.

"I-I couldn't. You cannot even imagine what I see at least 1 night out of 3."

"I had the right to know, Aniki."

"You don't understand, Atsuya! I didn't want you to know!" Shirou exclaimed. He had sat on his bed, his fits on the sheet, the horror swirling in his head, fear and anger running through his veins as tears threatened to unfold. His apple adam was constantly slipping in his throat, the latter more knotted, his chest more and more compressed as he breathed. His body was shaking, his eyes were bulging, seeing these images in front of him. Again.

Shirou clenched his teeth before struggling back, careful not to let his emotions overwhelm him again. "Atsuya, even if you would have already claimed to me not being a baby anymore, I couldn't tell you anything."

"But-"

"Let me finish!" Shirou hissed loudly. Atsuya had an incredible talent to put him in an unimaginable state. Atsuya was silent. "You cannot imagine what it's like to see his family dying every night, to see you in the snow, dripping blood. You don't know how it feels to feel your lifeless hand in mine. Everything I feel... it's indescribable. And everytime I feel or see something linked to all that... I have those images which appear in my mind. It's already hard to endure them... I didn't want to impose that damn burden on my little brother. Anyway, that's too late now", Shirou finished, full of bitterness.

"..."

Shirou, a little out of breath with his speech wasn't expecting an answer from him. All he wanted was to hang up and cry. Cry until that anxiety disappeared. Cry until he would eventually get tired and fall asleep for good. To forget everything that just happened. Shirou bit his lip. He was so stupid. For brief seconds, he had been naive. He was still going to have those nightmares, and anyway... he couldn't do that to Atsuya. Not after this conversation.

"Atsuya, I-" His voice was strangely weak compared to his previous strong, dry voice he had used earlier. But Atsuya interrupted him and stopped that struggle for his voice.

"I'm sorry, Aniki. I couldn't imagine what you were going through... I've been an authentic selfish person. As usual."

"You couldn't have known."

"I should have!" Atsuya exclaimed. He was crying, and he wasn't trying to hide it. "Aniki was suffering alone, and I only hurt you more by trying to find out everything. I've been an unworthy and stupid little brother. A very selfish one too. I-I don't deserve anything you give me". He was hiccuping.

"Atsuya..."

"I'm sorry, Aniki. I'm so sorry", Atsuya muttered before letting himself cry more.

The door of his room opened. Kirina appeared at the doorway, and no sooner had he looked at Shirou that he realized the awkward situation he was going through, with a terrible look on his face. He stopped immediately. Hand on the handle, a little smile stretched his lips.

"I'll come back later", Kirina murmured.

Shirou blinked before sending back his smile. He nodded gratefully. Kirina gave him one last look, worried in spite of himself, before he left the room and closed the door behind him.

Atsuya didn't probably hear his intrusion as he was continuing to cry profusely. Shirou swallowed. It was painful. Terribly painful.

"Atsuya. It's painful, you know. I hate to hear you cry. I always hated it. It's even worse when I know I'm the cause of your tears."

Back against the wall, Shirou smiled tenderly. 

"I have something which could confort you. You know, I don't only see horrible things in my dreams. It's rare but I already dreamed of happy moments. I remember one, where mom and dad were playing with us in the snow, until the dusk showed the tip of its nose."

These beautiful images appeared before his eyes. He remembered every detail of them. He realised that his life, compared to that Shirou's one, was different. But even though that fat, they shared many things in common.

"You know, in those dreams, we also practice all those sports as we do too. Like snowboarding. We're also hot chocolate addicts, like we're ourselves.

"You more than me."

Shirou chuckled. He finally stopped crying. "Yes. Maybe you're more than me."

"I'm not an addict. Stop saying nonsense", Atsuya mumbled, his voice fading away.

Shirou laughed loudly. "Admit it, Atsuya."

"Just yours and those of mom", the youngest finally confessed in a small voice. "But don't be pretentious about it!"

"Never," Shirou replied, a secret proud smile on his lips.

A brief moment of silence before Atsuya spoke again. "So, you don't only see those bad things."

"No. I'd like to have more like those happy dreams, but hey, it's better to have a few than nothing at all."

"It's not normal to have those kinds of dreams."

"Atsuya, I'm not normal."

Atsuya burst out laughing at his assertion. "We are two abnormal addicts, then."

"Yes. The Fubuki brothers, the weirdest hot chocolate addicts in the world", Shirou said, his eyes bright with tears of laughter.

They laughed for a moment, before slowly calming themselves, the tears of suffering replaced by tears of laughter and joy. There's sunshine after rain, Shirou thought with a smile. But it wasn't over yet.

"We will find a solution, aniki. The two of us", Atsuya announced gently, a slight emphasis on the last words.

"I hope so."

"We'll find one, aniki. Believe me. You will no longer be alone in carrying this burden."

Shirou's smile widened a little more. If it was possible, his heart would have melted in front of such tenderness, determination to help him, in front of his support, but not only. In front of such love. He giggled. It was contagious.

"That's why I love you so much, Atsuya."

"Wh-?! Aniki, don't say such embarrassing things!" Atsuya screamed so loudly that Shirou had to take the phone off his ear so as not to lose his eardrum.

"Sorry, Atsuya. I couldn't help it. Forgive me", Shirou replied in a falsely sorry voice.

"Tss. You'll never change." Atsuya made a brief break. "I love you too. Baka", Atsuya added in a whisper.

"Ah, what a pleasure to hear that from you!" Shirou chanted, his eyes gleaming mischievously as his face was split with a big smile.

"Stop making fun of me!"

Shirou burst out laughing again, Atsuya getting a little more 'irritated' on the other side of the phone, red to the tip of his ears.

If there was one thing Shirou couldn't imagine... it was to live without him. Without Atsuya. That was why his dreams were so painful and scary... they showed a reality that could become his reality at any time. He had to cherish and protect him at all costs. He didn't want to lose Atsuya. He didn't want to suffer like that other Shirou.

**

With tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips, Shirou had just woken up from one of the most beautiful dreams he had ever had in his life.

"Atsuya..."

A dream showing another reality where Atsuya was alive. Safe and sound. Happy with this other Shirou. With him.

The smile disappeared little by little when he repeated that word in his mind: a dream. The harsh reality slapped him hard. His face now covered with trembling hands, he burst into tears. A dream... The dream of a reality that will never become his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, don't hesitate to leave comments & kudos. <3


End file.
